How To Rediscover the Real You

"Surely it would make you happier just to be yourself. Why fight to be

accepted by people you don't actually want to be with?" 

Tristan Thorn, Stardust

Have you ever found yourself struggling to be part of a crowd you did not even really want to be with?

In today's image-based, status-quo society, it is easy to compromise who you truly are for counterfeits that promise happiness but deliver emptiness. In fact, you can get so immersed in trying to "keep up with the Jones'," be what your parents have always wanted you to be or take on the personality of "so and so," that you lose the essence of who you really are and what you really want.

All of life then becomes a constant treadmill of never measuring up, yet diligently running in earnest to get to some illusive point of acceptance. Only when you arrive at your desired destination do you realize that what you have so passionately and single-heartedly pursued for so long has failed you in providing the happiness, fulfillment, and life you thought it would give you. The only result it yields is confusion, frustration and a complicated existence. But life was never meant to be that way.


How to re-discover the real you

Chinese thinker and social philosopher, Confusius, said "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." How true that is.

You complicate your life by taking the childlike simplicity of knowing who you really are and doing what you really love, and replace it with something as shallow as trying to "fit-in." Yet, the happiness, fulfillment, and peace you crave can only be found in expressing your uniqueness.

But how do you do that? How do you break free from your "need" for acceptance and stand up for what you truly believe? How do you express your uniqueness and get happy with just being yourself?

The answer lies in clarifying two important questions.

First, it is important that you know who you really are. What is it that makes you unique? What do you value? Who are you...really? The best way to identify this for yourself is to make a list of core values.


Define your core values

Core values are also often referred to as governing principles. These are the personal principles you truly want to live by. When you adhere to and apply these principles they will yield the most fulfilling fruit from your labour.

The reason it is important to have a list of core values is because your emotions fluctuate from day to day, situations arise, and stuff happens and all too often, what you value most fluctuates along with whatever is going on around you. This is ultimately what leads to an unfulfilled life. Staying true to your core values, despite your outer circumstances is ultimately what will keep you on track to being who you truly are.


Define who matters most

The 2nd important question you need to ask yourself is who do you really want to spend time with. If there is a certain "group" of people you want to be with, identify that group.

You can spend your entire life trying to gain the approval of people you don't even like. In fact, you can get so busy trying to please "them" that you entirely forget that at your core, you could care less about pleasing "them." So, you have to ask yourself, who is it that you really want to spend time with.

Maybe it is your family. Maybe it is people that are positive instead of negative. Maybe it is people that inspire and motivate you to be better rather than those that bring you down. Who is it? Identify them.

When you have answered this question for yourself and live it, you respect who you really are enough to not be ruled by "them." Instead, you take control and shape your lives in relation to your core values. By taking this initiative, you ensure your own success and you claim responsibility for your own happiness.

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© Barb Elyett. Barb Elyett is a Canadian singer/songwriter, recording artist, speaker, author and founder of Aleta Records. Her articles have been published extensively on and offline and have impacted people all over the world in a positive way. Barb's new album, The Simple Side., has received four Maja Award nominations and is currently receiving airplay and accolades from around the world. Sign up for Barb's FREE So Alive Inside newsletter at

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